It's been a while, so let's return with....NAZIS!!! YAY!!!

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS - DIR: QUENTIN TARANTINO (2009)

Nothing says holiday cheer quite like a slipped disc. So yes, I know that I made a proclamation at the onset here that I would write a review a day. Well, the best laid plans of mooks and men, eh? Anyway, here's the deal: by the end of the year, I will have 365 reviews on this blog. Whether it's done day after day or I write 365 reviews on December 31st, 2010, that's that. So deal with it, silver daddios!

Anyhoo, while laying on the heating pad that is pretty much permanently affixed to my couch, I did get to catch up on many t.v. shows and films that had been building into a facsimile of the leaning tower of Pisa on my bureau (does anyone use the word bureau anymore? I imagine the youth of today refer to it as a "shelf". Whippersnappers!), some of which will be reviewed here (probably on December 31st, 2010). But how could I even think to write about anything else when Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) and his guerilla army of Nazi-killing Jews (there's a switch, huh?) were among the larger than life characters that graced my t.v. while watching Tarantino's long-awaited WWII opus, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS.

Now, I had seen it in the theater, and remember ranting and raving last summer to anyone who would listen (meaning my cats, since I have no friends - why else would I be writing this blog? Weep for me), but I tell you, upon viewing it again - twice - I simply can't wait to see it again. I mean, what's not to like? It's easily Tarantino's most visually stunning piece of work, and as always, his use of Ennio Morricone's music sucks you completely into each and every scene it's used in. And the dialogue is easily the most dynamic it's been since PULP FICTION (apologies to David Carradine's AMAZING monologue about Superman in KILL BILL: VOL 2), and, in my humble opinion, some of the best he's ever written.

It's hard to say that any one scene trumps another, but the first 20 minutes of the film, that quietly take place in a small cabin in 1941 German-occupied France, may be the single most beautiful scene Tarantino has ever filmed. He slowly and expertly builds the tension to the point that you feel your freaking blood pressure going up, and by the time the obvious climax of the scene arrives, you're hiding behind your couch like a scared Brit hiding from a Dalek. It reeks of Hitchcock. The scene in the basement bar is also outstanding, and worth mentioning if only for it's mention of the old German folk hero Old Shatterhand and his faithful Apache companion, Winitou (I wonder if Shatterhand and Winitou preceded the Lone Ranger and Tonto? Maybe this book can tell us: http://www.amazon.com/Operation-Shatterhand-Jake-Page/dp/0345397215/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263414930&sr=8-1 (Gott in himmol, the tag line literally reads: "The Indians lost America once. They are not about to lose it again..." How is it the 'Indians' haven't scalped Jake Page yet?)

As for the actors, Tarantino's films have always had something of an ensemble feel to them, and BASTERDS is no different, with one notable exception: if Christoph Waltz doesn't walk out of this year's Academy Awards with the gold bald dude in his hand, I'll eat my own feces. Simple. As. That. His Col. Hans Landa is one of the greatest screen villains OF ALL TIME. PERIOD. It's on the level of Anthony Hopkins Hannibal Lechter performance. Between Waltz's portrayal and Tarantino's dialogue, the character exemplifies on an almost visceral level everything evil about the Nazi's, and it's mesmerizing.

Now I know a lot of people bristled at the alternate history take at the end of the film, and I certainly understand why. (Spoiler!!) As far as our history has taught us (supported by film reels, right? But maybe a look-alike? Hmm...), Hitler wasn't killed in a small movie theater in France in 1944. Personally, I have no problem with this, but I do understand the criticism, if only that it rather jarringly pulls you out of the film as you question the absurdity of it. But once you've seen the film and know the outcome, it actually works quite well within the framework of the story. I mean, let's face it: it's RETURN OF THE JEDI - the Emperor is on the Death Star, so let's blow it up. And do they ever, just after they swiss cheese Hitler all over the place. I mean, they literally RE-LOAD AND CONTINUE TO SHOOT HIM!! Shazam! So ultimately, if I can have footage of Evil Personified getting riddled with a barrage of well-deserved bullets, count me in.

And so, in closing:

HERE'S WHAT YOU WILL SEE:

-Evil Personified getting riddled with a barrage of well-deserved bullets

HERE'S WHAT YOU WON'T SEE:

-Jews getting away with hiding under the floorboards

Final grade: A+