New Years resolution #1: WATCH MOVIES!!!

Well, here we are, a new year upon us. There's something enticing about the whole blank slate quality of the holiday, once you cut past the whole boozing it up/let's see who we can bang tonight quality of the affair (at least for us single folks on the latter part, of course. Or maybe not). In the hopes of not treading into the land of cliche, I'm going to try something for the following year. Yes, like everyone else in the freaking world I want to A) lose weight, B) find my soul-mate (this especially applies to you married folk) and C) do whatever it takes to make a TON of money, even if it means sitting naked on someone's face while spreading goat-lard on their chest (hey, at least I know my limits when it comes to money, and they are FEW...I'm lonely).

So my proposition for this blog: Review 1 movie every day in the year 2010 (the year I make contact...with breasts). Now I'm sure your first reaction would be something like "But, Jim, where do YOU find time to juggle?" Well, in response to that valid query, here are a few ground-rules:

1) I don't have to WATCH one movie per day every day, I just have to write a review for one. Big difference from the watching. I may be an overweight shlub with no chick (not one I'm committed to, anyway...ok, none that are committed to me and that only call at 4 in the morning when they're drunk and their husband is out hunting, ok, fine, but it's better than nothing...weep for me), but I do work (sorry, no mom's basement for me. Like Juliet Lewis in THE OTHER SISTER, I have my own apahtment, ma vewy own apahtment!!...utter trash) and play in a band and...in plays and ... stuff... so I don't have ALL FREAKING DAY to watch movies (Nirvana, my friends. Tell me you haven't watched the special editions of LORD OF THE RINGS straight through from sunup to sundown. Oh, yes. I have...and it's sheer Nirvana). So just the review daily.

2) Obviously, the movies are at my discretion, and there is ABSOLUTELY no rhyme or reason to their choosing. If on a Sunday in June I decide to watch CITIZEN KANE, offering such never-before criticism the likes of which make one cry with gratitude at it's perspicacity that is not unlike a holy epiphany, and then the next day I review GIGLI, well, there it is.

3) The length of the reviews is, of course, my choice, but if you come looking for a review of INDEPENDANCE DAY and simply find the words "PILE OF SHIT" for the review, well, enjoy the extra time spent not reading that review, or simply go watch that "PILE OF SHIT". So yeah, the length will deviate based on a) my passion - good or bad - for the film, b) the amount of Jameson I'm consuming while writing it and c) the frequency of blumkins in my life. Not in that order.

So that's that! As of this moment there are 0! ZERO! readers of this blog, but I'm working on getting some interest from, oh, I don't know, 3 people...maybe 3..ok, 2 people, probably...1. And he's gay, so he's, like, sub-human or something in the eyes of the Lord, Alabama and Republicans, so depending on who you are, it's may be, like, 1/2 a person...I'm gonna go drink some cow's blood now. Save me the aisle seat, bitch!